Grandpa Power

James took a while to get used to me.  Now he comes to me and seems really comfortable, but that acceptance developed slowly.  Grandpa was a different story.  Almost immediately, James was attracted to Tom.  It's impossible to know if the attraction comes from both of them being male, the timbre of Tom's voice or something else.  The affinity is there, and Grandpa is thrilled at being the adult of choice (when Mom and Dad aren't around).

James is so different from Juliet in so many ways, the most obvious being his love of eating.  I can remember cajoling Juliet to eat, begging her to take just one more bite, promising chocolate or cheese if she would eat just a little more.  James has never seen a food he won't try, and very few he doesn't like.  He will finish his own food, and sample any other food that's on the table.  Today at lunch James finished the vegetables we had brought for him, ate a little of his father's lasagna, ate some of Jeanne's pizza, some of Juliet's pasta, had an apple chestnut compote, and later part of my chocolate muffin.  That's a lot for a one-year-old!

He is a very strong-willed child.  No matter how many times you tell him to sit down in his high chair, he will stand up again and again.  He has been repeatedly punished, but continues to run into the bathroom, climb up on the steps, turn on the water and run his hands through it, thoroughly soaking his sleeves.  If he can reach it, he will take his toothbrush (or anyone else's) and brush his teeth.  He loves anything electrical that makes a lot of noise; he will get the vacuum cleaner out of the closet and try to plug it in and turn it on.  He will drag the hair dryer out of the bathroom and cart it all over the apartment.

He is so sturdy and strong that when you're carrying him, if he decides he wants down, it is a struggle to prevent him from escaping your arms.  He will writhe, wriggle, arch his back, grunt, stiffen his arms and legs and try to throw himself out of your grasp.  I can't hold him when he does this, but his Grandpa can.  Grandpa power!

The Four-Year-Old Heart

Juliet has been acting strangely around me.  I thought she was just teasing me by sticking out her tongue at me, running away when I would try to hug her, and pushing me away when I tried to interact with her in any way.  I thought we were teasing each other but it turns out she was serious in the way only a four-year-old can be.  Tonight as she was giving me a hard time, she whipped the Elsa hat off her head and hit me with the braid; her mother saw this, reprimanded her and took her upstairs.  A little while later they came downstairs, and Juliet, with tears in her eyes, apologized and said she loved me.  Jeanne explained that all the attention I have been giving to James had Juliet thinking that I didn't love her any more.  It was all I could do not to cry myself as I hugged Juliet and told her that I loved her and I would always love her.

You forget how fragile four-year-old hearts are, and how instantly they can be devastated by the slight of a friend, discipline of a parent or harsh word from a teacher.  One minute she is smiling as she leaps across the room in pirouettes, and the next she has collapsed in tears, sobbing as if her heart would break.  And James, at 1, is the same of course.  He has a smile that lights up the room, and a piercing shriek and voluminous wail when things aren't going his way.

I will be more conscientious about reassuring Juliet of my love, giving her my attention and some praise, and spending some precious alone time with her.  I will keep explaining to Juliet that paying attention to James doesn't mean I love him more; it means he is littler and needs more help and supervision.  I never worry about James getting enough attention; he sees to that, as he's constantly running full tilt at life, caution to the wind, with a smile or a shriek.  I love them both so fiercely that I would clone myself if I could, and spend all my time with each of them.    

One Among Many

It's a difficult thing, being the Grandma (who really needs constant attention) among so many other interesting family relations.  There are cousins, aunts, uncles and that other set of grands, Grandmere and Grandpere.  I hate to admit that I get jealous when Juliet squeals with delight at the entrance of her Grandmere.  I understand that she wants to spend the entire afternoon tailing her 12-year-old cousin, Lena.  There's nothing more fun than hanging around with an older girl cousin when you're four.  And Lena is so sweet to Juliet.

Now, having admitted that I am so childish as to be jealous of Juliet's attention to others, I must also say that Juliet loves to torture me this way; she pretends that she loves everyone better than me.  She obeys her Grandmere but says "no" to me.  She won't let me help her do anything.  She refuses my attention but goes to Marie and snuggles with her, as she glances at me coyly to see if I'm bothered.  I am.  The little monkey has my number!

The other phenomenon I experience is feeling like one of the children.  I am the only adult who doesn't speak perfect French; sometimes I understand the conversation but at other times I shut it out because it's just too exhausting to try to "translate" everything.  Like the children, I don't have much to add to the conversation.  Like the children, I listen politely and follow directions.  Like the children, I am silent much of the time.  It must be difficult for the family, too, since they want to include me in the conversation.  They do try, and translate for me at times.  I feel welcome and part of the family, even if I'm a small part.

Saddle Sore

There's not much room left in the back seat of a Citroen C5 when you have two car seats installed.  I sat on one cheek, between James and Juliet, for about an hour before I discovered that you can force your entire buttocks and thighs between the car seats if you really push and squirm.  After that I was much more comfortable.  The trip to Saint Malo took about four and a half hours, with a half hour rest and rejuvenation stop.  Matt sat in the back for the second half of the trip.

I am always impressed with how much people in France support and affirm families.  At the rest stop today, the restrooms were very clean, and there was a separate room for changing babies' diapers.  Outside was a play area with a slide and jungle gym, for ages 2 to 12.  There were families with young children at almost every table in the dining area.

Tonight at our restaurant in Saint Malo, there was an entire room just for babies, with a changing table, a microwave to heat up baby's dinner, and some space in case your toddler needed to be calmed down.

In Levallois where the kids live, a magazine comes out quarterly, listing all the classes, activities and special events that are family friendly.  Matthew tells me that the lists are amazing:  classes for every sport and many hobbies, events put on by the local government, festivals, parades, etc.  I'm not sure if France is going through a population growth spurt but it seems that everywhere I look I see babies, babies, babies!  And people smiling at them and at their parents.

    

Back in the Saddle Again

Brief time out for Grandma and Jeanne:  two days of the stomach flu.  Matthew says it's almost epidemic in Paris right now, which does not make us feel better, but does make us grateful that so far, James, Juliet and Matthew haven't gotten it!

Today we are off to Saint Malo for a pre-Christmas dinner with the extended family.  This year Yves and Claudie are hosting, and we'll have dinner at a restaurant tomorrow.  It will be good to see the family again.  After the dinner we'll be off to Morlaix for five days.  Christmas Eve there will be a huge dinner with many traditional dishes; Christmas morning has come to be known as "American breakfast".  The family loves this breakfast (I'm convinced because they can eat like Americans, guilt-free, one day of the year)!  We'll serve smoked salmon, egg casserole, muffins, buttermilk biscuits, fruit, endive salad and something for dessert (pear-apple clafouti?) that Jeanne, the beautiful baker, will come up with.  I hope that by then both she and I will be eating normally!

What's a Docious?

This post is one I meant to write a while ago.  At the time Juliet was enthralled with the movie "Mary Poppins".  (Now she's enthralled with "Frozen" and "Singin' in the Rain".)  "Singin' in the Rain" really throws me because she's only four, but I suppose it's the dancing she likes.

Every night Juliet would ask to watch "Mary Poppins", and because she didn't get that much time to watch videos, she would only see 15 or 20 minutes of the movie before bath time, or dinner time.  Some times she watched the same 20 minutes of the film several nights in a row; other times she would watch straight through to the end.  She loved the songs and could sing many of them; her favorite was "Let's go fly a kite".  Right away Tom and I resolved to bring kites when we vacationed with her on the beach in South Carolina.  We did, and many a rousing chorus of "Let's go fly a kite" was heard on Myrtle Beach this August!

I left for home on a Saturday, and Juliet had a swimming lesson that morning.  As she was leaving for her lesson, her parents were expaining to her that I was going home to Indiana and I wouldn't be there when she came home.  She started crying and said, "Oh, wait and leave tomorrow" but I told her I had to go that day.  Then she moaned and said, "Oh, no, it's just like Mary Poppins!!"  Despite my reassurances, she was inconsolable.  I was flying away and I would never return.

I was talking to Matthew a few weeks later.  He said one night when he was tucking Juliet into bed she asked him, "Daddy, what's a docious?"  Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious...    

Learning the Routine

I have to learn the routine every time I help out with the grandchildren.  The routine changes, of course, because the kids are growing up, changing their eating habits, and the school is letting out at a different time, and the dance class has moved from Thursday to Monday.  A grandma has to be on her toes if she wants to keep up with all the changes.

Some things never change, though.  If you're fortunate to spend enough time with your grandkids, you'll develop a very special relationship with them.  This morning James was really fussy during his morning nap.  Maman had left for work and he was realizing that he was stuck with Grandma for the day.  He couldn't or wouldn't go to sleep.  So I laid down on the bed beside his crib, where he could see me.  I closed my eyes; pretty soon his eyes were closed, too, and once his breathing became regular I opened my eyes to see him sleeping so peacefully!  I'm sure he'll fuss again when he wakes up, but gradually he'll get used to me.

I hope that we'll share special memories and special times together.  I will almost always color, read a story, play catch or go for a walk.  Because I live far away, I won't be able to attend tennis matches, or school plays, or Grandparents' Day at school (do they do that in France?), but I will be able to listen to detailed accounts of soccer goals, commiserate about stupid boyfriends, send gifts and letters, and share some vacation time.   And when I am with them, I will make that time count.  Which is what we should all do anyway, for today is all we have.

Air Grandma 2014

Colleen, the kids' nanny, has decided to go home for four weeks, her first visit to Australia in several years.  Air Grandma to the rescue (or rather, Juliet and James to the rescue of a Grandma who's been missing them since August)!

I arrived today and soon had wormed my way into James' confidence.  He was shy at first but quickly warmed up to me.  He still needed to know where Mom was at all times, but he was also content to sit on my lap and have half of a book read to him.  When the first half was finished he would get off my lap and run for another book.  Maybe he was bored with the first book, or maybe he thought that if I ever finished a book I might say, "Okay, that's enough reading for now."  At any rate, he made sure we never made it to the end of a book!

Juliet came in from the last of two parties (one Christmas, one birthday; although I guess technically they're both birthday) and ran across the room, jumped into my arms and gave me a ferocious hug.  Then she leaned her head back to look at me, gave me a big kiss and then another ferocious hug.  I don't think there's any better feeling in the world.

Juliet is even taller and thinner than in August.  It's a good, athletic thinness.  James (I'll eat anything at any time) is slimming down, too, and getting taller.  Both of them seem much older than they were just four short months ago.  With Matthew I didn't notice changes that much because they happened so gradually; one day you just realize that hey, he's walking much more steadily now, or his speech is getting to be understandable.  With grandchildren you don't see very often, the changes seem to jump out at you.  Wow!  He runs everywhere, he doesn't walk any more; he's imitating words I say; he looks like a little kid now, and not a baby.  

Oh,Juliet, oh, James, please don't grow up so fast!  I love you with all my heart, and I love being someone you're delighted to see.  I love reading to you, teaching you to sew, and baking cookies together.  I don't want these days to ever end.

More Thoughts, Random Again

Today is my last day.  I'm sad to leave but anxious to get back to the States and Tom.  Tonight Juliet was, of course, begging me to stay "just one more day".  When I suggested she climb into my suitcase and come back with me, I think she seriously considered it.  But then she said she could only stay a week, or no, maybe just a day; and when she heard that it takes a whole day just to get to the States, she was perfectly happy when I assured her that we would see each other this summer in Myrtle Beach.

Juliet and I have been reading the Ivy and Bean books.  I got them for her because they were chapter books and looked to be about girls about her age.  In reading them to her I've found the vocabulary is not only difficult, but very American.  (How do you explain "pausing for station identification" to a four-year-old?  How about the expression "tough cookies"?)  But I enjoy the questions Juliet asks, and we have some good discussions about things like tough cookies.  And sometimes she surprises me by understanding some concept that I consider difficult.  Best of all, though, is the time we spend alone together, being silly, giggling, talking seriously, and creating memories for both of us.

James is already into reading, too.  I brought him Sandra Boynton's Bath Time! and he loves it.  At least he gets a big smile on his face when I start reading it to him.  Of course he also gnaws on it immediately after I'm done reading; it's one of those soft plastic books.  But no, I really think he likes the book for the content; he always giggles when I say, "Bring your ducky.  Bring your boat."

I can't believe it will be four months before I get my next sweet, fierce hug, soft kiss or that squeal of recognition as you come into the vision of a five-month-old.  I love to change a diaper, give a bottle or read a bedtime story, to have that chance to be one-on-one with a tiny person who loves you just because you're the Grandma.  Wonderful little ones who make me wonder-full.  I am blessed.

Random Thoughts

I usually try to come up with a "subject" for each blog post.  Today all I have is a bunch of random thoughts that don't fit neatly into any one subject.  So humor me, please!

Early last week Juliet came into my room when I was toweling off after a shower.  Looking at my naked body, she said, "Ooh, so that is you."  She didn't say anything else and I certainly didn't want to provoke any further comments.  French kids are used to seeing their family members naked and they feel very comfortable with nudity, so hopefully I didn't scar her for life.

Last night we hit the trifecta:  James spit up on Juliet's newly made up bed; while we were changing her linens James had what we call a "code brown" and needed an immediate diaper change; Juliet wet the bed in the middle of the night (another linen change), and at the same time James woke up and was howling to be fed.  Matt is away on a business trip and I'm so glad I was here to help Jeanne.

Mondays are tough for James because he's used to being with Mom and Dad on the weekends.  So he tends to be a little fussy on Mondays.  This week I could not seem to make him happy; even a stroller ride didn't do the trick.  He's a pretty strong little guy and he was like a bucking bronco in the baby carriage.  I really thought he was going to flip himself out!  What was interesting to me was that the only time he seemed happy was when I was taking his picture.  Just pointing the camera at him brought a big smile to his face.  Now a five-month-old can't realize that his picture is being taken, can he?  Juliet is a huge ham, so maybe James is following in her footsteps.

Matthew and Jeanne definitely have their hands full with these two kids, as they're both very headstrong and stubborn.  Just watching and listening to James as he falls asleep will convince you that he has a strong personality.  He grunts and groans, clenches his fists and rages, rages against sleep.  It's fascinating that kids are born with these personalities; as parents and grandparents we think we can shape them but a lot of who they are and who they will be is pre-determined.  I always say 75% nature, 25% nurture, but I'm not sure the nurture part is even that much.

Enough random thoughts from a diaper changing, gum massaging, feeding and burping, grandmotherly addled brain.  Ciao!

Picnic in the Park

Today was a fabulous day in Levallois, the kind of early spring day that helps you get through the rest of winter (although they haven't had much winter here).  At 20 degrees Celsius, which is about 68 degrees Fahrenheit, it feels like a summer day; people go outside in short-sleeved tee shirts, everyone brings a blanket and some food and goes to a park, boats are on the Seine, the sun is shining and the sky is oh so blue.  We left for the Bois de Boulogne at 12:30, which was about two hours too late, as the rest of Paris was already there, and parked.

Supremely lucky, we pulled over to let everyone but Matthew out of the car so he could go to find a parking place, and in just that minute a place opened up right behind us!  We joined the throngs of families and friends spending a glorious Sunday in the park.  I have never seen the Bois de Boulogne so crowded.  It was just one of those days after a long winter, you simply must be outside.  A few things we saw:  some athletic young men walking a "tightrope" that, while not very far off the ground, was very narrow and challenging; lots of kids chasing balls, picking up pine cones, running, walking, sleeping, jumping, chasing and hugging; a few men with no shirts on, who should have known better; bicycles and scooters everywhere; a few children riding ponies; lots of people paddling canoes on the lakes; older people in their Sunday best, out for a stroll (they must have been so hot!); families and groups of all shapes, sizes and colors; some people in tank tops and shorts, others in winter coats.  It was a feast for the eyes, and for the soul.

Juliet fell sound asleep in the car on the way home.  Matthew and Jeanne were able to get James to sleep too, so the whole family had naps once we got home.  Fresh air and sunshine is a good recipe for sleep!  After nap time we Skyped with Grandpa, cooked dinner, had baths, ate dinner, had story time and went to bed (James, Juliet and Matthew).  Jeanne and I stayed up and got ready for Monday.  Tomorrow James and I will be here almost all day, by ourselves.  The girls will go with Colleen to Noemi's apartment after dance class; James and I will pick Juliet up there at 6:30.

The days go by, and we don't do much, yet the time goes by quickly, the memories accumulate.  You remember the squeal and the giggle when a little tummy is tickled.  You can still feel the soft kiss on your cheek, and the skinny but strong hugging arms of a little girl.  You are glad when asked, "Grandma, will you color with me?"  You know you will forget the sensation of holding a five-month-old in your arms, but you will never forget the love, the heart-stopping, all-consuming, forever and ever love you feel for this child.  I was afraid that I loved Juliet so much I could never love another child in that way, but it turns out that instead of halving my love, it has doubled.  I cannot believe how blessed I am to have Juliet and James.

Halfway

However did my visit get to be halfway over?  A week from today I fly to Atlanta, where Tom will pick me up on our way to Florida.  I am not halfway done being a grandmother for this visit; I guess I'd better get busy tomorrow.  More coloring, cuddling and conversing are definitely in order!

I continue to be amazed at how well Juliet speaks English, how broad her vocabulary is, and how easily she switches from French to English, and back again.  She's a very sweet and loving girl but she also loves to manipulate you into getting her own way.  Sometimes you'll tell her to do something and she'll just stare at you, daring you to make her do it.  At times Jeanne has to get really mad at her in order to get her to do what needs to be done (brush her teeth, go to the bathroom, put on pajamas, etc.), when it doesn't fit into Juliet's agenda.  This is very, very difficult for Grandma.  Grandma does not want to get mad, she does not want to yell and most of all she does not want to curry disfavor with Juliet.  This means that Grandma is not a proper French grandma, she is a spoiling, inferior, coddling, weak-kneed, horrible, American grandma.  Yes, she is, but she's trying to get better for Juliet's sake.

James, on the other hand, is guileless.  He doesn't have an "agenda", unless you consider comfort an agenda.  If he doesn't have a messy diaper, isn't overly tired or hungry, he's fine.  So I can spoil and coddle him without feeling guilty.  Of course this is starting to change in small ways.  He's "pre-teething" right now; he doesn't have any actual teeth coming in but his gums are sore so he likes to be constantly gnawing on something:  a toy, clothing, a blanket, your finger, etc.  He's also "pre-crawling", so he's frustrated a lot of the time, because he's going backwards from the object he wants to get to.  Jeanne says this is typical of babies learning to crawl:  they go backwards first.  James is busy mastering this first phase.  Sometimes he gets so frustrated he makes little fists and his body just shakes.  So I imagine it won't be long before he does have his own agenda that will include eating stuff he finds on the floor, getting into his sister's things and trying to go where he shouldn't.  And then I suppose Grandma will have to practice being a disciplinarian again.  Oh, bother!

J.J., James Sue, Jimmy Tom John and Me

I seem to be the only person who calls James "James".  Jeanne calls him J.J., Juliet calls him James Sue, or Jamesue (I'm not sure which), and Matthew calls him Jimmy Tom John (he is officially James Thomas Jean; the middle names are the grandfathers' names).  I love the name James; I think it suits him now and it will suit him when he's 70.  Not ridiculous for a 5-month-old nor a grown man.  A strong, solid name with character and gravitas, yet a name that doesn't take itself too seriously.  James Madison, James Monroe, James Dean, James Brown, James Earl Jones...well, you get the idea.  I don't want to go too far lest I run into a James I don't like.

I am getting to know the little guy, and starting to know the difference between a grunt that means "I'm sleepy and I'm cranky" and a grunt that means "I just made poops".  He grunts a lot when he is frustrated, hungry, sleepy or, frankly, when he's just pooped.  He also has a light-up-the-room smile with which he's generous.  He is basically a very happy baby, and a very good baby.

Noemi and Juliet are coming to our apartment this week after school; I don't know what I'll do for entertainment next week when they're at Noemi's apartment.  Today it was lovely outside so Colleen and her mother, who is visiting from Australia, and I took the girls and James to the park.  It feels like spring here, and with the sunshine today people were shedding their winter coats and just breathing in the fresh air.  I wish I could send some of this weather home to the midwest, where our winter has been long, cold and snowy.

Noemi and Juliet ran and jumped and climbed while James watched.  He was really more interested in the pigeons, though.  As were several children who were actually able to run at the pigeons and chase them away.  I always think of French children as being so polite and refined.  When you see them in a social situation or in a restaurant, they are marvelously well-mannered, but today on the playground they were vigorously attacking both the pigeons and the playground equipment, their faces set in grim determination, with big scowls and knitted eyebrows.  Perhaps it was the sheer number of them, for there had to be several hundred children there, some chatting away, some shrieking, some quietly and fiercely going about the business of riding one particular piece of equipment so hard that it would disconnect from its moorings and sail off into the crowd.  I have to say that I didn't hear any arguments or see any fights, just noticed some ferocity, some velocity (on in-line skates and scooters) some intensity I don't usually see.  Maybe they were just letting off steam after a tough day at school, or maybe, like the grown-ups, they are ready for an end to winter.  Today made me believe that spring just may be a possibility.

Sleepy Sunday

After five hours sleep Friday night, and one hour last night on the plane, I arrived in Paris a little jet-lagged and sleepy but eager to see the grandchildren.  When Matt opened the door to the apartment and Juliet leapt up to hug me, the whole long, crazy day of travel to get there was suddenly worth it.  I'm not going to go into every little detail that made my travel day very long and frustrating, because we all have those stories.

  Seeing James again after four months, was like seeing a totally different baby.  For one thing, he's wearing size 12-months, as a 5-monther.  He's a good eater but he's not fat; he's just very solid!  I'm thinking linebacker if he stays in the 75th growth percentile.  He's very aware of his surroundings and interacts with people around him.  His sister is a huge attraction for him, as is anyone who will make him laugh, tickle him or play peek-a-boo.

When James is ready to stop eating, he stops.  He doesn't get "fussy" but he grunts in such a way that you know he's done and he's ready for something else.  If you don't get it, he keeps grunting until he's red in the face. Occasionally he has a dirty diaper, but usually he is ready for bed.  The kid is a regular eating, sleeping and pooping machine.  And having said that, he is one of the most cheerful babies I've ever seen; always ready to smile, he's also a terrific giggler.  He seems to understand the idea of joking around because he'll keep doing something over and over and over again if you laugh with him.

Juliet is the same darling girl with definite ideas of what she'd like to do and what she'd like you to do.  Tonight we played paper dolls for about an hour.  We read one (two) chapter(s) of the new Ivy and Bean book I brought.  The usual questions and last-minute "oh I forgot to..."s extend the good-night period by a half hour.  But then Juliet goes pretty quickly to sleep.  She, like Grandma, has had an exciting day, and starts back to school tomorrow after a two-week "vacation".  I can already tell that the word "vacation" isn't really going to be descriptive of Grandma's time here...

Air Grandma

I am off to Paris this morning.  "Air Grandma" as Tom has christened me!  "Luckiest Grandma in the world" I call myself.  I can't wait to see how much James has changed since we saw him in October; then only a month old, and now just beginning his sixth month.  And of course Juliet, my sweet, tempestuous little drama queen Juliet...I am so in love with that little girl.  A few weeks ago when we were Skypeing she said to me, "Grandma, just get on the plane and come here!"

Who could resist that request/demand?  I'm packed and ready to go.  My suitcase is mostly presents:  books for the kids, Grape Nuts for Matthew, cooking supplies for Jeanne and a Mac Book (?) for a friend of Jeanne's.  Chocolate chips and baking powder are expensive and difficult to find in France.  Jeanne is a terrific cook who makes very healthy meals.  Lots of grains and veggies and a little fish.  I plan to help with the cooking while I'm there, but I hope I get to eat some of Jeanne's wonderful food, too.  My favorite thing is to be with her in the kitchen; it's so much easier now that they have a reasonable size kitchen.

Sunday night expect an update on James and Juliet and maybe jet lag!  I usually don't have jet lag much because I'm so excited to be there that I don't even think about it.  I'll have to be on a French schedule by Monday morning because James wakes up at 6 A.M.  I'll let you know if Air Grandma makes it off the ground at that time.  When Matthew was a newborn, we used to get up for the early morning feeding and we would both fall asleep in the recliner.  Then he'd be late to day care and I'd be late to work!  Good memories, though, of sleeping with a tiny new baby snuggled in close.